Musing from a contemplative mind....

Its been a long time since I have posted anything here.  Divorce is all around me and it is very sad.  As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.  Nothing less.  

Its a lonely place, you don't know who is trying to climb the ladder not because they want a relationship with you, but because you have something they want.  The do it under the guise of friendship or concern, but part of me looks at people and says, if I stepped down today, or worse fell, how many of you would want that relationship you seek now?  I am more than a title, more than what I make with my hands, and more than most of you will ever know, or want to know. 

If you want to stand in the rain and effuse about the beauty of the sun, I won't.  I appreciate the crowd, but I am beginning to see just a little bit about why Jesus, stopped feeding them and started exposing their deepest motives.  When you do that to the crowd, they leave.  Because are here for meal or the show, but not for commitment or love.

The crucifixion of Jesus is the open display of my own hellish nature. And, when I see this and believe that he really died for me, then my old proud self who loves to display its power by climbing ladders of morality and intellect and beauty and daring dies and I am left alone with who you know I am and choose to love me still.   Thank you God.

Every night at bed time, just before I leave the room and after we pray together she says, daddy, just one more hug, just one more kiss.  It a request I can't deny, even though I am sure its part of it is a stalling tactic.  I say, in fatherly tones, okay, one more than it's off to bed.  I lean in for a hug and smooth her on the forehead and I think about yesterday.  I think about all the girls we have know and worked with, some who are now women themselves, that wanted this very thing from their dad.  I think about how in my heart I criticized and still criticize men who won't be their little girls knight in shining armor.  When she closes her eyes and she dreams about the perfect guy, I want her to see me. 

There is another girl living in our house, her dad decided long ago he wanted nothing to do with her.  Once a year he calls her on his birthday, if he remembers.  She is now a young woman, she has no clue about men.  The guy she is with calls her on the cellphone from his truck when he comes by.  One day, she and I were driving somewhere and I told her, men get out and come to the door.  I told her you tell him to come to the door and get me, because your worth the walk in the cold. 

As a dad, I want to instill that in my daughter, your worth more.  So I always answer the request for another hug and another kiss...

even if its past bedtime.

I am making preparations for my Christmas message.  I have a real hard time with this message, not because the reality of the story isn't awesome, its more that I don't like everyone already knowing where I am headed and tuning me out, as I know I have done myself in the past.

 But in Matthew 1 there is a story most of us, including I have missed, because we have glazed over the genealogy of Christ because we might believe its not very significant.  But Matthew make reference to four women, who are related to Christ.  A woman who was raped, a woman who was reprobate, a woman who rebellious and a woman who redeemed.  Four women, four stories, with one common connection. 

The Christmas story is this, Jesus came from sinners, to save sinners. 

This Sunday my wife and I helped a friend of ours at our church who had not seen her children for several months.  She mentioned she was not able to see her kids because, even though she had a court order, her husband prevented her from visiting her children.  So we escorted her on the property.  I know the husband and we have a rapport so I thought everything was cool. 

Her children acted at first as if they needed to inform the father of the intrusion and then they seemed glad to see their mom.  We were greeted by a strong, you need to leave from her husband.  I responded by saying, she has a court order that says she has a legal right to be here.  His brother, whom I have never met, starts walking toward my wife and gets within about six inches of her.  I pushed her behind me and slipped in front of her and told him to get away from my wife, NOW.  He said, if we don't leave he will call the cops, I said, go ahead, we will be right here.  Then, he got right in my face and his nose was within centimeters of mine as he yelled, you have one second before I take you down.  I felt my right hand clench up and I my head I heard this voice SCREAMING, hit him.  HIT HIM.  I did not make a move, I stood my ground and took his verbal abuse and his verbal threats, especially since moved toward my wife in a threatening way.   Then I thought of Jesus, he was insulted, beaten, punched and had his hair pulled from his face.  I had someone scream, that I was a p__sy and threatened to do bodily harm and for that, I was ready to drop this guy?

I am sure the papers would have had a field day, local minister beats up resident (and I would have) and ends up in jail.  I found out how hard it is to be a man by leaving your fists at your side, because anyone can fight, but not everyone can control their spirit.  By the grace of God, I did....

...yesterday

Faith without wisdom is just an excuse to be crazy and blame it on God.

As a brand new (you can smell the new parent smell on my wife and I) parent and someone who worked with adolescents I am becoming more aware that the single biggest reason why people in their teens and 20 somethings remain in this protracted adolescence is because of the single principle that parents fail acknowledge, its is the job of parents to drive foolishness out of their kids, it is not the job of parents to celebrate foolishness in their children. There is a timer that is ticking in each young persons life and somewhere between 14-16 if they have not had this foolishness driven out, they will emerge as young adult fools, which is very harsh. But the definition of a fool is someone who hates discipline and hates the authority that provides the said disciplines. Proverbs says, the person who does not discipline their child hates them. We see this come to fruition as the child is given the assignment of adult by virtue of turning 18. But if they have not been prepared for adulthood they will have all of the legal responsibilities and social expectation and none of the practical application of how to walk as an adult. Its like handing the keys of the car to a 12 year old and saying, go ahead and start errr up, you can figure it out as you go. While there is on the job learning, if a child has only been a child all of their life then the transition to adulthood will be exceptionally difficult and met with emotional resistance. I read recently that the process of childhood was to prepare children to become adults, now the goal of adulthood is to remain a child.

Its great to be a kid, its just not great to remain one.